


In 10 years time

by madmartigan_77



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Arranged Marriage, Denial of Feelings, Drug Use, Feelings, M/M, Minor Character Death, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-04 04:08:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14584608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madmartigan_77/pseuds/madmartigan_77
Summary: Otabek and Yuri were getting ready to come out to Otabek's parents, when everything just went horribly wrong..*A lot of sad times, a lot of fighting, check the tags for warnings.





	1. Chapter 1

"Yuri stop going on like a little fucking brat and listen to me!" Otabek yelled, practically knocking down the bathroom door, his hand would regret this tomorrow, but right now he was too angry to care, Yuri didn't fucking understand how Otabek felt right now

"Fuck you Otabek! Leave me the fuck alone, your good at that!" Yuri screamed back to him, still from inside the locked bathroom. "Your being impossible Yuri! What am I supposed to do?! Their my fucking family" 

Yuri finally opened the bathroom door, glaring right at Otabek, "So fucking leave asshole, I don't fucking want you here anyway!" "I don't want to leave like this Yura, can we just talk?" he tried to reason

"You've already said enough, I'm just your 'friend' what more do you need to say?" Otabek grimaced, this had escalated to a point he really hoped they could come back from 

"Yura, I'm going to tell them, their just.." "arranging a fucking marriage for you?" 

"God Yuri, do you not think this is fucking hard for me as well?! Or are you just thinking of yourself like always?" 

Yuri glared, roughly shoving Otabek, "Hard for fucking you?!" Otabek roughly pushed him back, "Yes hard for fucking me! Your a selfish fucking brat Yuri, your not even trying to see it from my point of view" 

"Okay fine, your fucking point of view, I'll make things so much easier for you Otabek, I'll just be your fucking friend, or how about not even that?! Would that make it fucking better for you?!" 

Otabek felt angry all over, "Fucking perfect, I wasted too much time with you anyway.."

Otabek was cut off by a hard slap in the face, "Don't you dare fucking say that asshole! I wasn't a waste of your damn precious time!" 

Otabek roughly grabbed him pushing him hard up against the wall, "I spent so much time away from my family because of visiting you in Russia, and for what.." 

"Your a fucking asshole, let go of me Otabek! I'll leave, I'll fucking leave, you don't ever have to worry about wasting your time on me again!" Otabek let go of him, Yuri stormed to the door before turning to face Otabek, but his face wasn't just angry now, it was sad, the saddest Otabek had ever seen it

"Have a nice fucking life Otabek, I hope your new bride doesn't waste any of your fucking time" then he stormed out

Otabek didn't see or speak to Yuri Plisetsky for 6 months after that, he ignored all calls and texts from him. Eventually changing his number, it broke his heart, but Otabek couldn't risk breaking his Dad's heart. He was getting married next week, his Dad's health was getting worse, he felt in his heart he was doing the right thing, even if it hurt him every single day he wasn't with Yuri 

Then he'd seen the article, 'Yuri Plisetsky off the rails' he shouldn't have read it, but he couldn't help himself. Apparently Yuri had been caught doing drugs in a dingy club bathroom, he looked beautiful of course but worn and ragged

The article went on to say how he was seen with a different man most nights, or he was stumbling drunk. They'd tried to question Victor and Yuuri but they refused to give a statement. Otabek's heart sank, he didn't know Yuri was this bad, he knew Yuri's number off by heart, he could easily pick up the phone and give him a call

Otabek's heart was pounding in his chest, he sighed out as he dialed in the number, he didn't even know what he was going to say if Yuri would even answer to a number he didn't have saved

"Who's this?" Yuri answered, his voice questioning, Otabek froze unsure of what to say, hearing Yuri's voice after 6 months hit him more than he thought it would. "Hello?" he persisted, Otabek finally swallowed, "Hi Yuri" he heard Yuri's breath catch, "O..Otabek, what.. What the fuck are you ringing for?!" Yuri started nervous, but then instantly snapped

"I, I uh, are you okay Yuri?" Yuri scoffed, "I'm perfectly fucking fine asshole, why the fuck did you call me?" "I, I just wanted to see if you were okay Yuri. I saw an article.." "I don't need your fucking pity Otabek, I'm fine, so fucking fine"

Otabek sighed, "Yuri your always fucking difficult aren't you, I was just seeing how you were, I'm trying to be nice"

"Your such a fucking asshole! If I'm so fucking difficult.." Otabek hung up, he couldn't deal with this. He was getting married next week, Yuri had said he was fine, Otabek didn't believe him. But Otabek was far from fucking fine himself, and Yuri wasn't any help to him

All the calls and texts from Yuri before he changed his number were either angry or begging for him back, it wasn't fucking fair, Otabek didn't want to break up, non of this was his fucking fault 

His phone immediately was ringing again, Otabek declined it, Yuri kept trying to ring him again and again. Then he got a text, 'Otabek your so fucking cruel, do I mean that fucking little to you..' Otabek stopped reading, deleting it and heading to get a new sim card, again

It cut him so much, he wasn't trying to be cruel, Yuri meant the entire world to him, but his fucking dad was dying. He wanted Otabek to marry a woman, a nice Kazakh woman in his exact words. The next day, he woke up to a hammering knock on his door, grimacing and still half asleep he made his way to the front door, opening it up to a little Russian blonde

His eyes went wide, "Yuri.." he started, but Yuri pushed past him going into his house. Yuri had lost a lot of weight, his normally maintained blonde hair was rough and messy, he had bags under his eyes, "Otabek, what the fuck's going on? Are you actually getting fucking married?" Yuri half shouted, half croaked at him

Otabek frowned, sighing out, "Yes Yuri, in a few days actually. Did you come all this way just to ask him that?" Yuri's face went to crumble, but then looked angry again, "Yes I did asshole, because you don't answer your phone to me, you just block me out of your life.." 

"Exactly, so you can't just show up here Yuri, what the fuck do you want me to say? That I won't get married and we'll get back together?" Otabek snapped, Yuri's face flooded with tears but he violently wiped at his own face trying to stop them falling

"Yes asshole! You don't even fucking like girls.." Otabek scoffed, "You think I'm marrying her because I fucking want too? My Dad is dying Yuri.." "He'd want you to live a fucking happy with someone who actually makes you happy.." 

"You just don't fucking understand! You don't have a fucking family Yuri, you don't know what it's like!" Yuri roughly shoved him, "You were my fucking family asshole! You said, you fucking said you wanted to marry me!"

"I would have fucking married you, but shit happens Yuri, I can't help my Dad fucking dying, he wants me to marry a woman.." 

"It's your fucking life Otabek, don't live it for him" 

"Your being selfish, so fucking selfish, do you think I want my fucking Dad to die disappointed in me?!" Yuri lunged forward, Otabek worried he was about to get punched, but Yuri crashed their mouths together, Otabek didn't pull away

He wrapped his arms tightly around the slim, not even slim anymore, borderline anorexic man that he loved, Yuri moved his arms around Otabek's neck jumping into his embrace, deepening the kiss, it felt amazing kissing Yuri again

He'd never wanted him so much or needed him in these past 6 months, not breaking apart from the kiss he moved them to the sofa, getting on top of Yuri, breathing heavy into the kiss. He felt the wet tears on Yuri's face, Yuri pulled away only slightly their lips still touching

"Please don't leave me Beka, do you still love me?" his voice was croaky and shaky, Otabek pulled away further, looking at Yuri's sweet little sad face, moving the damp hair off his face, "Of course I still love you, but.. That doesn't change anything Yura.." Yuri's face scrunched up

"How can you say that? If my Grandpa, when he was here, didn't want us to be together, I would have did it anyway" Otabek sighed out, moving so they were side by side, still entwined together though

Stroking a hand through his slightly matted blonde hair, Otabek sighed before he spoke, "Yuri, I, I don't know what you expect from me. I can't give you what you want.." 

Yuri interrupted, his voice croaky, "You want it too Beka, you want me, you.." "Yura, I need to marry her. I can't not, you don't know how happy my Dad is about this whole thing.." 

Yuri sat up angrily, but his face was full of tears, "Fuck your fucking dad Otabek, how happy are you about it?" Otabek sat up practically shaking with anger, "How fucking happy am I about it?! Yuri my entire life is going to be fucking different, you still get to go meet someone else, someone you actually want to be with, your not stuck like me!" 

"So don't be fucking stuck Beka, your not stuck, you can still change your mind" it did hurt Otabek seeing Yuri look like such a mess, his voice was beyond croaking as he cried out, the tears wouldn't stop falling down his face

Otabek sighed, "Were going around in circles Yuri, you should go.." Yuri roughly got up from the sofa, wiping at his face desperately before turning around to look at Otabek, his sweet little face never looked so hurt

"You don't need to do this Beka, I, I love you.." "Yuri your making a fool of yourself, we've.." Otabek felt a sharp sting across his face, Yuri's face flooded again, "Have a nice fucking life then asshole!" he screamed as he stormed out the house, slamming the door behind him

 

Otabek's thoughts flashed back to the morning, when everything had seemed to perfect and right, When they first got together, they were each other's first everything, they fit together perfectly. Otabek didn't imagine that he would ever need to hide the fact they were together, that was until he met up with his family with the full intent of telling them

When they'd dropped the bomb that he was getting reviewed for a arranged marriage, Otabek felt sick, his mouth felt too dry to even speak. "Arranged marriage?" he asked, feeling like he was in a daze

His Dad had been poorly for the past 6 months now, and it was fifty fifty whether he would make it out of this. His request was for his only son to marry a beautiful Kazakh girl, Otabek felt sick

Otabek and Yuri had been together for the past 3 years, he didn't see his family a lot, they didn't know that he was gay, well gay for Yuri and only Yuri. He'd planned to tell them now, before he proposed, which of course was going to be a surprise for Yuri

But now, it all seemed to far away, he was going to tell them today, while his Dad was coherent enough to understand, then Yuri was turning up and being introduced to everyone

He wanted to tell his family, especially his Dad right now, so that if they had a problem, which was likely, he could build bridges and try to get them to understand, his heart bled at the idea that his Dad might die with them fighting or being ashamed of his son, his only son

He didn't realise how much time had passed, it all felt like a daze, when there a knocking on the door, that would be Yuri. And here he was, arranging a fucking marriage with some unknown person he'd never met before

His Mam answered the door, Otabek didn't even dare get up from the sofa, this felt like a horrible fucking dream. He vaguely heard Yuri's confused voice, telling them he spoke Russian or English, and that he was here to see Otabek. He knew Yuri would be confused, Otabek was suppose to answer the door, and introduce them all, and text him, fucking text him if something wasn't going according to plan

Otabek was still sitting on the sofa, his mouth dry again, looking up to Yuri and his mam he wanted to be swallowed up in the ground. Yuri looked confused, frowning slightly at Otabek, not knowing what to do

"Uh, everyone, this is, my.. my friend, Yuri" he'd never forget Yuri's hurt shocked face, his family greeting him and asking if he wanted to sit down, bombarding him with information 

'Otabek's moving here now, Otabek's getting married isn't that great, Otabek Otabek Otabek'

"I need to leave" Yuri sounded like he was breathless, rushing out the house, ignoring everyone, not looking at Otabek anymore for support 

Through all the damn talking, Yuri's little face looking to Otabek for confirmation, is this true? Is this really happening? He needed Otabek's support and he didn't get it 

"I, uh, I'm going to go too, a lot to take in yknow.. See you tomorrow" he hugged his Dad extra hard goodbye, while his Dad told him how he proud he was of him

Heading to the hotel room they shared, when Otabek opened the door, Yuri had stormed into the bathroom and that's where it all kicked off..

 

Otabek's wedding day went by as a blur, kissing his bride at the altar, he felt sick. It didn't have a spark, they weren't the same thin lips that he was so use to kissing, it wasn't the same scent or feel

Holding his brides hand down the alter, they were smaller than Yuri's, they didn't fit right in his own hand. Dancing with her, she was the polar opposite to Yuri. She had dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin, nothing like the pale light features he was so use to

She wasn't ugly at all in any way, she was a beautiful young woman, but she wasn't Yuri. It made Otabek feel sick to his stomach, the wedding night was even worse

They both knew what they needed to do, Otabek wasn't sure if that made it better or worse. Otabek had only ever been with Yuri before, when his bride took off her clothes, his dick didn't even stir. Getting entirely naked and forcing the kissing, it felt wrong it felt so wrong

When they did finally have sex, he couldn't deny it was a nice feeling around his dick. It was tight and wet, but it wasn't Yuri. Nothing about his life now would be Yuri

4 months had passed, and he and his wife had fallen into a routine, they'd gotten to know each other, and she wasn't actually a bad person, they very occasionally had sex. Otabek actually able to get it up, his Dad had passed away a month after the wedding saying how proud he was of Otabek which made the entire thing a lot easier

 

Otabek avoided the headlines that he saw often of Yuri, of how much of a state he was in. For all it tore at him, he tried desperately not to think of him, of all the happy fun times they'd had together. Yuri's beautiful laugh and smile, the last couple of times he'd seen him, it wasn't like that at all

But today’s headline Otabek couldn't avoid, in big bold letters, Yuri Plisetsky officially lost it, suicide attempt. Otabek felt his heart sink, grabbing the article, his eyes scanning Yuri's face, he looked even worse than when Otabek had lost saw him

He was leaving the hospital with Victor and Yuuri, they'd did everything to try and cover him but you could still tell her horrific he looked. Not wanting to believe the article, Otabek wasn't sure what to do with himself. Shaking, he felt dizzy, pulling out his phone, his reason and logic out of the window he rang Yuri

"Hello?" Otabek swallowed, "Yuri.." Otabek couldn't say anymore, the phone instantly hung up. Ringing back, he thought for sure he wouldn't answer, after what must have been 30 seconds that seemed like a lifetime, Yuri answered again

"Do you just fucking get off on my misery Otabek?! Don't fucking call me, why the fuck are you calling me?!" Yuri yelled down the phone, "Yuri, I, is it true? What the articles are saying?" Yuri sighed annoyed down the phone, "Why the fuck do you care? They say different shit about me every damn week" Otabek sighed in relief

"So it's not true?" Yuri scoffed, "What that I tried to kill my fucking self? No sorry asshole, that one's true. Stop fucking calling me asshole!" Yuri screamed, hanging up again

Otabek felt sick, instantly ringing him back, "What Otabek, really what, what do you want from this fucking phone call?!" 

"I want to know why Yuri, why did you do that?" "Why the fuck do you care?!" "Of course I fucking care Yuri, god, it's always the same fucking shit with you.." he got hung up on again, Otabek didn't blame him for that last one, or any of them if he was being entirely honest

Otabek didn't mean to lose his temper, Yuri just always made it seem like he didn't care, and Otabek fucking cared, he wasn't the one living this life. Opting to send a text instead, 'Yuri, I'm sorry I shouted. I hope your okay, please get help?' he didn't get a reply, or a call back

 

After two weeks or nothing, no call back, no text, no new article, Otabek couldn't stop thinking about Yuri. It was plaguing his mind every day, he dreamt horrific dreams every night about Yuri killing himself

The past times they'd seen spoke to each other. They went from perfect to screaming at each other, which is why Otabek found himself on a plane to Russia right now. He'd told his wife he was travelling to see his old friends, which could be partially true, but not really. His heart was pounding in his chest as he stood outside of Yuri's apartment, the apartment they'd shared together, had so many happy memories in

One particular memory had Otabek smiling a partial sad smile, chasing Yuri around the apartment threatening to tickle him, both of them laughing so hard, finally catching him and being all over each other. He went to knock, just as the door opened, it took him by surprise. 

"O..Otabek" Yuri stuttered out, Yuri looked just as much in shock. His hair even longer, but even more scruffy, his eyes red and tired, he was pale, and god so fucking skinny

"Yuri.."


	2. Chapter 2

"Otabek what the fuck! Stop fucking doing this, you can't just keep popping up in my goddamn life!" Otabek pushed past Yuri getting inside the apartment, despite Yuri trying to push and yelling, the apartment was a state

"We need to talk, so your going to sit and shut up" Otabek spoke firmly, Yuri had a stern face, but slammed the door shut anyways. "Okay asshole, get this fucking over with" 

"You need help, your.." "Oh fuck off with pretending that you care.." "I don't fucking pretend I care Yuri, I do fucking care, look at you, look at the state of you" Yuri's face dropped

"I fucking know asshole.." Otabek moved closer to Yuri, cupping his gaunt face, "Yura" Otabek spoke softly, he expected Yuri to pull away, but he didn't, his big green once bright eyes looking directly up to him

"I'm so fucking worried about you, you've lost so much weight, your doing drugs? You tried to kill.." Yuri pulled his face away sharply, "Stop fucking mentioning.."

Otabek instantly hushed, "Okay okay, I'm sorry. Yuri, please, can we talk? Not be at each other's throats every second, actually talk" Yuri sighed shrugging his shoulders, "Fine, let's sit down" 

Moving over the sofa, Yuri took off his coat, he looked even skinnier without the bulk of the coat, his wrists bandaged up, Otabek couldn't help reaching over grabbing his wrist inspecting it with a sad face, "Yura.."

"Otabek, no more Yura, you came to talk so talk" Yuri pulled away his bandaged wrist staring intently at Otabek, "Yuri, why are you doing this to yourself? You haven't skated in months, your dr.."

"I'm aware of what I'm doing asshole, we don't need to go over it. And I guess I'm doing it, because I can't get over you Otabek, you know since you broke up with me and married some girl you didn't even know?" Yuri spoke with venom in his voice, Otabek trying his hardest to keep his cool, but they always butted heads, they could never see it from each others point of view

“My Dad fucking died Yuri, you don't even fucking care, you never cared, your so selfish about it.." "Otabek I'm sorry your Dad fucking died, but I care about you, I care that your living a fucking life you don't want to live"

"How the fuck do you know I don't want to live this life? I might be really fucking happy Yuri, did you ever think about that?" it was of course a lie, a complete lie, but it had Yuri's face dropping, no longer shouting, not even making eye contact

"Okay, so your fucking happy then, I'm sorry you need to fucking read about me in a fucking article and feel like you need to fucking come and help me, because I don't need you Otabek, I don't need your fucking help" Yuri started off his voice croaking, then it started yelling, as he finally lifted his head up, his eyes filling up

"You might not need my help Yuri but you need.." Yuri stood up looking furious, "I don't fucking need anything, I'm so fucking fine! Get the fuck out of my apartment Otabek! Stop fucking coming into my fucking life!" 

Otabek stood up, "Yuri calm down.." Yuri roughly pushed him, his hands still gripping his jacket, "Go back to enjoying your fucking perfect life Otabek, just fucking go!" Yuri's face still looked entirely furious, but tears were streaming his face

Looking down at Yuri, his Yuri, it wasn't the same Yuri he'd known all those years, Otabek couldn't stop himself, wrapping his arms around him tightly

"Get the fuck off.." Yuri yelled trying to pull away, "Shh, I'm sorry Yuri, I'm so fucking sorry, I'm sorry" "Otabek, stop.." Otabek tugged him in tighter, he felt his own face filling with tears, Yuri was barely trying to get away

"I'm.. Fuck Yuri, I hate my life. I, you still get to walk away, you can meet someone else.." Yuri pulled his head up cupping Otabek's face, both of them full of tears, "Beka, I don't want to meet someone else, I only ever want you.." 

Yuri's voice was croaky, Otabek swallowed, he knew his would be just the same, "Yura.." he started, but Yuri started leaning in, Otabek knew he shouldn't, but he found himself closing his eyes anyways, leaning in himself

Feeling Yuri's sweet thin lips on his own, it was perfect, he could practically feel the sparks, even though there faces were still full of tears, Otabek couldn't help but groan into the kiss. It was always everything he wanted, he tried not to focus on the fact that Yuri felt impossibly small in his arms, how the bandages on Yuri's wrists felt rough against his neck

He wanted to pretend none of the last few months had happened, that they were in the apartment they shared, kissing how they always did. Yuri pulled away first, looking into Otabek's face with nothing but sadness, bringing his face to tuck into Otabek's neck holding tightly

Otabek's heart broke, he felt Yuri crying into his neck, Otabek ran a hand through his blonde long hair, squeezing as tight as he could with his other arm

"Shh.. Yuri, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.." Otabek didn't know what else to say, what else could he say. Yuri seemed to burst into more tears, loudly sobbing, Otabek's heart felt it was going to break, "Don't cry Yura.." Yuri sobbed into his neck

"Beka, fuck I miss you so fucking much, I.. I can't believe you left me" Yuri was hysterical in his arms, Otabek shut his eyes firmly, tears streaming down his own face. "Fuck, Yuri, I love you, I love you so fucking much" Yuri looked up at him his face a mess with tears

"then don't fucking leave me Beka, don't leave me again" he cried, crashing their mouths together desperately. Otabek more than happily accepted, picking Yuri up, feeling his legs wrapped around him again, it was so different, he felt horrifically light in his arms, but it was perfect

Heading into the bedroom, he didn't take note of the surroundings, being on top of Yuri on the bed felt perfect. Yuri tugging desperately at his clothes, Otabek leaned back opening his eyes for the first time, taking off his jacket, he noticed all the clutter around the room, the strange objects that he could only presume were drug related, a packet of condoms on the side unit had him pulling a face, he and Yuri didn't use condoms, of course he'd been sleeping around

Looking back down at Yuri, his eyes were still red, his face still wet with tears, not that he was crying anymore. His sweet little Yuri, with his matted scraggly blonde hair, his skin was terrible, he looked exceptionally tiny underneath him, the bandages on his wrists plaguing Otabek

"Yura.." Yuri glared, "What Otabek? Look if your going to just fucking go, then just fucking go asshole" Otabek sighed, moving from in between Yuri's legs laying on his back beside Yuri

"What the fuck do I do Yura, this has been the worst few months of my fucking life" Yuri turned on his side looking at Otabek with wide eyes, "Really Beka?" Otabek turned on his side as well, smiling just a little bit at Yuri's slightly perked up face

"Of course Yura, I'm miserable, I have been since that day we had that awful fight, everything just went.. Just went so fucking fast.." Groaning loudly in annoyance, "I don't know what to do fucking do Yura, my Dad, it's.." 

Yuri reached a hand over cupping his face reassuringly, "I know Beka, I know.. It must be really hard for you, I get it, but.. It's your life, your living, your here, he wouldn't want you to be miserable" Otabek felt dizzy, he felt like the last few months had been a violent nightmare that he couldn't wake up from, Yuri was actually talking sense, why didn't he see that from day 1?

"Fuck Yura, your right, what the fuck have I been doing for god knows how many months" Yuri swallowed, "Beka don't just say things like that, are you serious? What do you even mean?" 

"Yura, I want what we planned, I want our future together" Yuri's little face lit up, "You'll get a divorce?" his voice spoke nervously, still so unsure, "Fuck, I shouldn't have ever fucking got married, yeah, if you, if you'll have me.."

Yuri didn't reply instead he crashed their mouths together again, as if what Otabek was saying might not be true. Yuri's slender hands raced under Otabek's tshirt, desperately running up his body, it felt so good to be touched by Yuri again. Moving slightly so he was more on top of Yuri, he reached his own hand under Yuri's tshirt, pulling away from the kiss to look at Yuri's face

"Baby, I'm so sorry, I love you, I'll never leave you again, I'm so sorry" Yuri's eyes threatened to tear up, shifting slightly uncomfortable under Otabek's touch

"I know I'm gross right now.." "Shh, your perfect baby, it's my fault, we'll do this together" Yuri nodded with a slight smile, as Otabek moved to pull Yuri's tshirt off

It looked just as bad as it felt, he was all rib, his hip bones jutting out of him. Yuri was always slim and slender, but he was usually toned and slightly muscular because of skating. But with the time he'd had off, he mustn't have been eating, it hurt Otabek to touch and look at, he felt incredibly responsible

Leaning down to kiss every inch of his torso, from his collar bones down to his jutting hip bones, whispering how much he loved him as he did it, he heard Yuri sniffling, looking up from stomach, Yuri was crying again, "Baby.." 

Yuri cut him off, "Cmere, kiss me, I just, I need you right here" Otabek nodded gently, moving back up his Yuri's depleted body, Yuri tugged at Otabek's tshirt, Otabek instantly taking it off

Yuri instantly pressing their bodies impossibly close to each other, tears were still streaming down his face, "Beka, don't fucking leave me again, just don't fucking ever do that to me again" he cried out

"Yura I won't ever, I'm so sorry, I'm here baby, I'm not going anywhere I promise" Yuri burrowed his face into Otabek's chest, Otabek stroked down his bony back holding him tightly, planting gentle kisses on his matted hair

"Yura, you don't know how perfect this feels, having you back in my arms, in my life, god. I'm so fucking lucky baby, I'm so sorry.." Yuri cut him off, his face still burrowed in Otabek's chest, "Stop saying sorry Beka, I, I do understand. I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I'm sorry about your Dad, do you, do you want to talk about it?" 

Otabek sighed, holding Yuri and telling him about his Dad dying was hard, he cried, Yuri moving to stroke his hand through Otabek's hair instead, peppering him with gentle affection. As the night drew on, they were still laying topless in bed, holding each other close, realising it was after 8 and neither had eaten, Otabek wanted to gently approach the subject

"Yura" he started, stroking through his hair gently as he was already doing, Yuri looked to him with his doe eyes, "Lets get something to eat baby, do you have anything in?" 

Yuri's face dropped just slightly as he shook his head, "Uh, not really Beka, yknow everywheres closed now too" Otabek nodded softly, still stroking through his hair

"We'll get a takeaway, is that okay?" Yuri sighed just seeming a little annoyed, "I'm not anorexic asshole, I just lost my appetite a bit" Otabek cocked a brow

"Yura a bit, your.." "I know I know, gross, lets just order" "Hey, you know I wouldn't say gross baby, but.." Otabek squeezed him in tighter, playfully kissing his face like he use too, making Yuri laugh, actually laugh which melted Otabek

"I can't wait until I have my Yuri's hot body back in my arms, when there's not all these bones digging into me" he teased, Yuri rolled his eyes, but had a smile on his face

"You know Beka, I didn't want to say anything, but.." Yuri burst into laughing as Otabek tickled his sides, "What were you going to say Yura" Otabek pestered still tickling his sides, Yuri laughing loudly, feebly trying to push him away

"Bekaa stop!" Yuri practically squealed, breathless from laughing, Otabek had a huge beaming smile on his face, he knew exactly what Yuri was going to say

Otabek had gained weight, not a great deal, but he had gained weight, a noticeable amount. Pinning Yuri underneath him, while he tried to catch his breath, a huge smile on both of their faces

"Were you going to say that I've lost a bit of weight too?" he teased, Yuri laughing as he carded his hands through Otabek's hair, shaking his head teasingly, Otabek leaned in sweetly, planting a gentle but firm kiss right on his sweet little lips, pulling away slowly, staying close 

"I know I've gained weight baby, I'll lose it don't worry" Yuri pulled him back in for a kiss, "I don't mind Beka, I just want you.. Curves and all" Yuri sniggered out, Otabek felt like he was falling in love all over again, squeezing him in under him

"I love you Yuri, I'm never going to lose you again" Yuri beamed him a sweet smile, "I know you won't asshole, I won't let you, I love you Beka" Otabek couldn't resist leaning back down, kissing Yuri deeply, he felt Yuri tug away gently, pulling away looking at Yuri slightly concerned, Yuri frowned a little

"Beka.. I've, I've been with other people since we broke up.. I'm sorry, I just.." Yuri couldn't keep eye contact, looking disturbed by what he was telling Otabek, Otabek cut him off

"Shh, it's fine baby.." Yuri cut him off with a serious face, "Beka, I've been with loads of people. You didn't have a choice, you had to be with her, I, I just don't know what I was thinking" 

"Yura it's fine, we have each other again now, we'll never be with anyone else, it's in the past" Yuri bit his lip, "Fuck Beka you need to get a divorce.. How do you think she'll take it? Your not, you're not actually in love with her ar.." Otabek cut him off with a disgusted face

"Yuri, no fuck no. There was never any feelings" Otabek sighed out before continuing talking, "Fuck I don't know how she'll take it, I hadn't even thought about going back to Kazakhstan, or telling my family" "We'll do it together" Yuri smiled at him sweetly in a reassuring way, quickly pecking Yuri again, he couldn't help but beam him a smile

"Lets get some food baby" pulling Yuri up with him out of the bed, they both put their tshirts back on, heading back into the front room he let Yuri order while he started washing the mounds of dishes 

For someone who didn't eat, the kitchen was one of the messiest in the apartment, it made Otabek cringe to think of his poor Yuri, left alone in their shared apartment, that their apartment that was once so full of love, was left to disarray. Yuri came in to help after calling the takeaway, getting back into a domestic place instantly, as if they'd never even been apart

They continued that night not doing anything sexual, just laying with each other, telling each sweet nothings, and constantly holding or touching each other

Otabek couldn’t believe he’d let things get this bad, Yuri was a mess, Otabek felt like a mess. He’d had the worst time of his life as well, he really wanted nothing more than to get his life back on track

But when he fell asleep with Yuri in his arms, his mind was plagued with thoughts of his Dad. How disappointed he was, how Otabek had betrayed him, waited until he’d died before he shamed him and the family

Otabek woke up coated in sweat, he felt sick, looking down at Yuri who was still sleeping soundly. Otabek wished he could have thought rationally, but instead all he felt was resentment

Yuri didn’t give a fuck at how Otabek was feeling about his Dad, how he had to deal with these conflicting thoughts all the time. Getting out of the bed, Otabek left a note, before he left, heading back to Kazakhstan

‘I’m sorry, I can’t do this’ was all he wrote, he’d practically scribbled it down. He’d never felt so sick or ashamed of himself, Yuri could find someone else, Otabek was sick of seeing shit about him in the papers. Making him come visit him, tearing at his heart

Otabek was the one having to live this shitty life, not Yuri. Yuri could still do as he wanted, he was still free, it was unfair that he wanted to snare Otabek into his unhealthy life, Otabek didn’t want his family turning against him, his Dad had fucking died and Yuri was only thinking of himself

Being the selfish person Otabek knew he was, he never tried to see it from Otabek’s point of view. Trying his hardest to put him out of his mind, he’d had a moment of weakness, that was all. Now he was going to go back to his wife, just like his Dad had wanted


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter from Yuri's POV, 2 months after Otabek's visit..

Yuri felt empty, currently getting roughly fucked up against a dirty bathroom stall door, he didn’t care that he wasn’t hard. He didn’t care that it hurt, he didn’t care that he couldn’t even remember what the guy behind him looked like

It had been 2 months since he woke up alone, left with nothing but a note scribbled with some meaningless words. His instant reaction was to try to kill himself again, but holding the razor in the bathroom looking at his previous ugly garish deep cuts on his wrists, he’d thrown the razor across the room screaming and crying

Then he’d raided his apartment for something to take the pain away, shooting up in the kitchen. Feeling that temporary feeling of euphoria, he’d picked up his phone trying to reason with Otabek, hearing that same dial tone he always heard when he tried to ring Otabek he smashed his phone, trashed his apartment, then went out, he fucking hated the loneliness

He wasn’t a people person at all, but he sharp found out that if he went to the scummy dive bars and clubs, wearing minimal clothing, people weren’t really interested in talking anyways, and that suited what Yuri felt like he needed

Hence why now when he heard the man behind him grunt loudly as he finished inside of him, shit Yuri hadn’t made him wear a condom. He’d felt particularly low this past week, needing a hit of something, anything, but Victor and Yuuri had taken all of his money and cards, desperately trying to get him to stop ‘killing himself’

He wasn’t killing himself, if anything he was keeping himself alive, he could kill himself anytime he wanted he thought. What he was doing now, was doing something to make himself feel alive, to feel something, anything, even if it was just more pain 

The man pulled out, tugging Yuri to face him, messily shoving his tongue in his mouth, he had a rough beard which scratched at Yuri’s face, he had bad breath, but Yuri just had to play along for a few more moments, then he’d have the coke he was promised

“Here” was all he said when he pulled his face away, he was breathing heavily, probably because he was extremely overweight and he’d been pounding Yuri hard for the past 10 minutes 

Yuri actually looked up to him with his first hint of a smile all day, he didn’t give a fuck that the man looked about 50 and had serious bad hygiene, he just wanted that little white packet he had produced, Yuri going to take it eagerly 

“Uh uh, say something sweet first sugar” the man tugged the packet away, Yuri didn’t give a fuck what he had to say or do to get it, he was past when he would yell to get what he wanted from these types of people, he’d only end up eating his words and having to do more sexual favours if he kicked off

“Thanks baby” he tried to speak sugar sweet, fluttering his green eyes up to him, a small smile on his face, as he leaned in for a gentle kiss, the man laughed in a seedy disgusting way, which would have made Yuri’s skin crawl, if he wasn’t getting impatient 

Holding the small white packet made it all so worth it, the stranger left the cubicle, Yuri not even caring to lock it, he just tugged up his pants, disregarding the mess and instantly doing a few lines

Exhaling happily when he did, walking out of the cubicle he caught a glimpse of himself in the grimey bathroom mirror, it was never a pretty sight anymore

Well it was, he was still good looking, but he felt nothing but shame and disgust. He kept his hair long, not bothering to cut it, but he didn’t try to upkeep it, always scraggly and matted, not brushed or even washed most days

His skin was oily, under his nose was red nearly always, black bags under his eyes made him look late 30’s rather than the young 20 year old he was, he was a awful weight, all bones, he hated that what flashed into his mind most was, if Otabek could see me now

That fucking asshole, he’d be so disappointed if he saw ‘his Yura’ like this, and that made Yuri’s stomach drop. Not that he thought that Otabek even thought about him anymore, or did he? 

Yuri’s mind was nearly constantly plagued with thoughts about what Otabek was doing, if he was happy, if he went to Kazakhstan did he think he could find him?

Even if he did find him would that make a difference? Yuri also refused to move out of the apartment they’d shared, Victor and Yuuri would try everything to get him to move out, but Yuri, he guessed he liked to torture himself

There was so many happy memories there, he wished he could get the fuck over Otabek, but he never felt that connection he’d had with Otabek ever before with anyone, even his own Grandpa. Who had passed away before Yuri could even introduce him as his boyfriend

That tore at his heart, Otabek always felt like family, they’d talk in length about how they were going to get married, get a few kittens together, they’d never argued really, before that day anyways

Feeling his eyes start to water, Yuri quickly left the bathroom heading back into the loud grimey club, he was going to try and get someone to come home with him tonight, he scared himself sometimes when he was alone

Suicide seemed like the only way sometimes, but he felt overwhelmed with guilt whenever he thought back to how Victor and Yuuri had found him that day, how much they’d cried and screamed 

They’d brought up his Grandpa and how ashamed he have would have been, that really had hit Yuri hard, then he’d heard from fucking Otabek, luckily feeling a rough hand grab him and a gruff voice pur into his ear

Yuri felt relieved, turning around with a smile and wide eyes, he didn’t even care what they looked like, and it was only a bonus if they had drugs, at least he probably wouldn’t be sleeping alone tonight, and his mind wouldn’t race, at least he’d feel wanted, even just for one night


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Victor's POV

Victor used to like Otabek, he use to think that he made a perfect match for Yuri. But now he thought if he ever saw him again, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from wanting to hurt him

It was 2 years since the whole ordeal, and here he was, Yuri’s head in his lap fast asleep. Tears still wet on his face, Victor stroked through his hair, it wasn’t soft anymore like it use it be. It was only getting longer and Yuri didn’t seem to care to look after it, or himself

Victor truly loved Yuri like a son, he wanted nothing more than for him to get his life together, and forget about Otabek fucking Altin

Victor desperately wanted him to stop this life he was making for himself, Yuuri walked through frowning sadly at the scene in front of him, “Victor he needs to come and live with us” 

Victor sighed, “I know that Yuuri, but what are we going to do, we can’t keep him here against his will”

“Yes! If we don’t.. If we don’t, we might not get in there in time next time” Yuuri was speaking with his voice raised, Victor knew he cherished Yuri as much as he did, Yuuri spoke with a croaky voice, “I can’t do this anymore Victor, I can’t watch him kill himself” 

“Yuuri wait..” Victor called out, Yuuri’s face crumbled as he ran out of their apartment. Victor would have chased him if Yuri wasn’t on his lap, “Sorry” he heard Yuri mumble from his lap

Victor looked down sadly, not stopping stroking his hair from his face, “You need sleep, cmon” Victor urged, it was pointless trying to talk sense into him now

He was still on god knows what, he needed to sleep this out of this system, his wrists freshly bandaged and stained already

Yuri wouldn’t let them take him to a hospital, Victor and Yuuri had fought with him, pleaded with him to let him, but he’d flat out refused, threatening to run away if they tried to take him 

They were powerless to do anything apart from try to fix him up themselves, when Yuri’s life changed that day two years ago. So did Victors and Yuuri’s, they’d fought more than ever, all about Yuri and what was best for him

It absolutely tore up Victor inside seeing Yuri like this, after Otabek had left that note those months back, Victor wanted to kill him

He couldn’t even get in touch with him, Otabek seemed to change his number like the weather. The fact that he couldn’t just leave Yuri and stay left, it was that he had to come back

To mess Yuri up just that little bit more, to give him a glimpse of promise and then take it all away. Victor knew that Otabek hadn’t been in touch since, and he knew how much that plagued Yuri’s mind

Yuri was wearing Victor’s pajamas so they were more than a little baggy on him, he looked so helpless, Victor would kill to see a genuine smile on Yuri’s little face again

Walking to the spare room, Yuri shook his head, “Can I sleep with you?” he asked so quietly that Victor almost didn’t hear him, but whenever Yuri slept over lately it was always with Yuuri, he didn’t want to be alone 

Since Yuuri had stormed out, Victor nodded gently, Yuri instantly walking into his bedroom instead. Getting into bed together, Victor turned to ask Yuri if he wanted anything, and was roughly held by his face

Yuri crashed his mouth to his, Victor grimaced, pushing him away, “Yuri, wha..” Yuri looked at him desperately, his bright green eyes were wide looking at him urgently

“Cmon, I know you want me” he spoke rough as he forced his lips back against Victor’s, Victor didn’t want to hurt him, but Yuri was being that forceful, Victor had to push him back, snapping, “Yuri! Stop it, what are you doing?” 

Yuri gave him a defiant stare, “Don’t act like you're too good for me Victor” Victor looked at him infuriated, “Yuratchka, stop this right now. You don’t know what your saying..”

Yuri pouted, leaning closer to him, “I do, I want you, don’t you want me?” 

“Yuri, is this all just a game to you?” Victor spoke firmly, he knew Yuri was probably on a cocktail of drugs right now, but he couldn’t do this, he needed to get his damn life together, he had so much to give and he was wasted it all because of one person

Yuri’s face looked hurt, shuffling himself closer to Victor, cupping his face, “Please” he didn’t speak strongly, or flirty like he was previously, he sounded so vulnerable and on display

Victor gently moved Yuri’s hand from his face, holding his hand with a strong hold, “Yuri, this all needs to stop” Victor spoke with a soft voice, Yuri’s face dropped as he burst into tears again, taking his hand back and wrapping his arms around Victor’s neck

Victor held him tightly, he could feel his own eyes threatening to water, “Yuratchka..” Victor was cut off by Yuri, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he sobbed, his entire little body shaking, Victor shut his eyes firmly, he wanted to stay strong for Yuri he didn’t want to end up crying as well

Stroking down his back Victor tried to reassure him he was okay, that it was all okay, that everything would be okay, he could pull himself out of this life and get a better one

He could meet someone, he could kick all the drugs, Victor reminded him that he won gold in his senior debut, Yuri actually laughing a little, which Victor treasured the sound of

Yuri needed to get his life back on track, not only for himself, but Victor and Yuuri couldn’t bare to see him have anymore ‘accidental overdoses’ or more self harm, more suicide attempts, he had so much to live for

When Yuri finally calmed down, Victor followed Yuri down when he tugged him to lay down, “Just, stay like this please” Yuri had whispered, they were laying face to face, Yuri had entangled their legs together

Victor nodded as he smiled at him softly, Yuri’s eyes fluttered shut, Yuri Plisetsky was as beautiful as ever. If only he was still looking after himself, he and Yuuri always commented on how beautiful he was, he could have anyone, if he could only get Otabek out of his head

Victor shut his eyes too, he felt exhausted as well, neither him nor Yuuri were trained in first aid. Trying to bandage Yuri up as best they could, all the while arguing with each other, they wished more than anything Yuri would stop hurting himself

Victor felt Yuri shuffle closer, then soft lips back on his own, pulling away instantly he couldn’t help his face glaring, even if it immediately softened when he saw Yuri’s sad little face looking at him so desperately

“Please don’t go Victor, don’t let me wake up alone” he croaked, Victor sighed out sadly pulling Yuri to his chest, Yuri wrapping his arm around him tightly, nuzzling his face into his chest

“I wouldn’t leave you Yuri, I promise, I’ll be right here with you. But you need to stop..” “I know” Yuri quickly cut him off, nuzzling his face in more, Victor frowned sadly stroking down Yuri’s skinny back

It wasn’t a lie, he wouldn’t leave Yuri alone. He wondered if Yuri did this to Yuuri as well when they shared a bed, this wasn’t the Yuri he once knew

The Yuri he once knew wouldn’t even accept a hug from him, and now, well he was willing to do anything just so Victor would stay with him. It tore at Victor that it would even cross Yuri’s mind that he would need to do something to get him to stay

He didn’t even want to think about what Yuri had been doing and with god knows who, he’d seen the bruises sometimes though, a burst lip, a black eye. Nothing Yuuri or Victor seemed to get through to him, taking away his money only seemed to make it worse

He’d still get drugs, and how he got them was all their fault. Leaning down planting a kiss on his head, Victor squeezed him in tightly, “I’m here Yuratchka, me and Yuuri are always here” whether Yuri was awake or not, Victor kept talking to him anyways, trying to tell him reassuring things, speaking softly and sincerely

Victor knew if he ever heard or saw Otabek again, if it didn’t end happily, he didn’t think Yuri could take another time. Victor would personally kill Otabek if he ever tried to contact Yuri again, unless Yuuri got to him first


	5. Chapter 5

Laying in his bed, left with a bad aftertaste and a sore jaw, he felt entirely desensitised. The man kissing at his neck roughly, panting against him, “Let me return the favour” 

Yuri prefered it when they just took what they wanted and fell asleep, he hated the ones who’d try and get him hard. Yuri very rarely got hard when he had sexual encounters, and even if he did, he didn’t want anyone touching him there

It felt wrong, it made him feel dirty, even though he probably wasn’t, if he was one doing the sexual things, allowing them to use him and his body that was fine, it made him feel in control

Whereas if someone had him in that way, he felt nothing but vulnerable and just the thought of it always made his eyes sting with tears

“I’m fine, baby” he’d always try and keep them sweet, that was another thing he hated, when they’d lose their temper with him over not getting what they wanted

Which is exactly what happened, when the man stormed out of the bedroom, Yuri heard the apartment door slam. As if this was somehow his fault, that he’d deserved what he’d just gotten just because he didn’t want to have his dick touched

He didn’t bother to tidy himself up, or lock the door, he just curled up on himself shutting his eyes and trying to fall asleep

Flinching as he woke up to someone stroking his hair, it was Yuuri’s distraught face, his face croaking as he spoke, “Yuri, oh fuck Yurio. What, what happened?” 

Yuri reached a hand over to stop Yuuri’s hand on his face, holding it firmly, “Don’t cry Yuuri..” he tried to reassure, the thing he hated most over the past 3 years was Victor and Yuuri crying over him, that hurt more than any beating he’d endured

Yuuri cut him off bursting into tears, Yuri instantly sitting up wrapping his arms around him, he realised just how sore he was as he sat up, his head was spinning, “Shh” he hushed, stroking his hands down his back

Yuuri lifted his face full of tears up to him, “Yuri, Yuri you can’t do this to yourself anymore. Please please Yuri” Yuuri sobbed, Yuri couldn’t help his face twisting as he tried to calm him down, “Yuuri..” Yuri knew his own voice was croaking now

“You need to stop this, you, you deserve so much” Yuuri was barely speaking coherently, hysterically crying, Yuuri tugged his face to his, pressing them forehead to forehead

Yuuri planted a messy closed mouth kiss right on Yuri’s lips, “I love you, I love you so much, Victor, Victor loves you so much. Yuri, your Grandpa he fucking loved you so much. Don’t ruin your life, please” 

Yuri finally let himself burst into tears, moving to nuzzle his sore bruised face into Yuuri’s neck, Yuuri wrapped his arms around him tightly, crying out a string of how loved he was, how much he had to live for, he kept bringing up his Grandpa

He didn’t even mention Otabek, it was kind of past Otabek now, it wasn’t healthy or normal to be like this 3 years after a break up. For some Yuri couldn’t get it out of his head though, it was probably the fact that he’d let him in entirely

He never had any reason before not to trust him, to ever try and think of his life without him, he didn’t have any defenses with Otabek. And Yuri had had his heart ripped out entirely, Yuri wasn’t sure what was worse

The fact he hadn’t heard from Otabek since he’d left that damn note that Yuri had insisted on keeping, or that it tore at his heart each and every day that Otabek didn’t try to get in touch

The false hope and promises that Otabek had given him that night, only to wake up alone, Yuri knew he’d gone entirely off the rails, but he couldn’t seem to stop it, it all went by so quickly 

Crying for what seemed like hours in Yuuri’s arms, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to cry again, Yuuri ran him a bath. Yuri didn’t mind being naked in front of him or Victor anymore, they’d found him in some sorry states that just having a bath in front of either them didn’t seem like a big deal anymore

Yuuri was currently cleaning up his face, kneeling beside the bath, Yuri felt like a little kid when they were like this, it made him think of when his Grandpa would bath him and sing silly Russian songs to him, always telling him he could be anything he wanted to be and just how proud he was of him

It was a little similar to what Yuuri was doing for him now, telling him how handsome his face was, Yuri couldn’t help but laugh, a actual genuine laugh, “Are you hitting on me Yuuri?” Yuri teased

Yuuri laughed, “Oh Yurio, it’s so good to hear you laugh. No I wasn’t, but I’m serious, you have such a handsome face, I think you could be a model” 

Yuri scoffed, “Will you please stop telling me how pretty I look while I’m naked, it’s creeping me out” hearing Yuuri laugh again, Yuri couldn’t help but smile, it felt so nice just to be silly again

Even if the situation was strange, and Yuri felt sore and aching, his body was starting to twinge with want for a hit of something, but he tried to push those dark thoughts away, just for now, and just enjoy this little moment of happiness he felt laughing with Yuuri in the bath

 

Yuri wasn’t going to lie and say everything was perfect and peachy after that, it was hard, so fucking hard. Trying to find some self respect for himself was a lot harder than it seemed, he couldn’t seem to kick the drug habit, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to fully feel again 

A lot of sexual encounters ended with him crying whenever someone actually went to touch him, which made him feel pathetic, which made him start doing more drugs

But he was trying to eat more, exercise, and stop letting other people use his body as a release for himself. He wanted to try and enjoy sex again, and he actually wanted to try modelling, when he was younger it was something people had approached him about, so it wasn’t a totally crazy idea

Getting his life together seemed like the crazy idea that would never happen, but after a year, his body was no longer marked with bruises, and he was having regular sex with strangers that didn’t leave him loathing himself

They actually got him off too, and he didn’t feel like he needed to break down, it didn’t make him feel weak or vulnerable, and he insisted on protection as a given

His modelling was slow going, but he was enjoying the little pieces of work he was getting, whenever he looked in a mirror he didn’t feel sick, but instead felt like he looked fucking good

It still made his heart race whenever he heard a motorbike or saw someone with a undercut, he still hadn’t heard a peep from Otabek, and he was more than a little ashamed that he still cried when he thought about him, that he still had the damn scrumbled note and re read it back more times than he liked to admit

If he could have a do-over, he’d try to not lose his temper as much in that hotel room. Maybe if he’d been more understanding Otabek might still be in his life, but he tried not to plague his mind with those thoughts, it was a unhealthy lifestyle if he lived in the past

 

Another year had passed, and right now, he felt like he was in heaven, someone was fucking him while another guy was on their knees in front of him, Yuri had his hands threaded through the man on his knees hair, moaning out loudly

It felt like too much, but he was determined not cum so soon, he’d always wanted a threesome, well a consensual he was into it as well threesome. He was still in a public bathroom, they hadn’t even made it into a stall 

So when he heard the door open, his eyes flashed open, and fuck did he nearly cum then and there. His eyes were met with a tall, broad fucking handsome man, he was beaming a white smile, looking over at the scene with excitement 

If this man asked Yuri to stop this threesome and go home with him, Yuri would in a heartbeat, he had rough stubble that Yuri never wanted to feel so badly against his skin

Yuri smirked at him, giving him a confident wink, panting out as hotly as he could try to be, Yuri’s heart clutched in his chest when he gave him a cheeky smile back, “I’ll be out there, when your done” he gestured to the two men Yuri was with, Yuri felt himself blush

But the man still had a cheeky smile, he left the bathroom, fuck, Yuri panted out. He didn’t care about lasting now, he wanted to cum and he wanted to see him again

It took longer than Yuri would have liked, for all he finished pretty quickly, he felt a bit selfish if he left straight away when the other two hadn’t yet. They weren’t bad guys, so he stook around, his mind racing with what he and the stranger would get up too

His heart was actually fluttering in his chest, he hadn’t felt like this since.. Well for a long time, trying to straighten himself up in the mirror, to look fresh and like he hadn’t just had a dirty threesome in a public bathroom

Yuri couldn’t help but smirk though, the man didn’t look disgusted by it, he looked almost into it, and that made Yuri more excited than anything, at least he wouldn’t have to hide that he liked to casually sleep around

Heading out of the bathroom Yuri glanced around a little nervously, he hoped that the man hadn’t left, that he hadn’t taken too long, just as his face started to frown, he heard a very warm beaming voice from behind him

“I was beginning to think you’d skipped out on me” turning around to that same damn handsome smile, he had a sharp jaw, but nothing but a bright face, rough dirty blonde stubble that led up to that effortless bed head kind of look

Bright friendly eyes stared right at him, Yuri hated that he compared them to Otabek’s, these eyes were more a light brown, making Yuri feel weak, Otabek’s were a deep dark almost black brown, they weren’t warm eyes, especially thinking back about the last time he’d seen them

The strangers warm face turned into a slight sad frown, “Would you like me to leave you alone?” he didn’t speak sadly, he spoke easily, like any answer that Yuri gave he would go with 

Yuri realised he’d frozen in place when he’d looked into his eyes, his heart had just clutched in his chest at the thought of Otabek again that was all, this guy wasn’t Otabek, Yuri couldn’t walk away from this just at the fear it would turn out like that

Yuri gave him a half smile, “Fuck no” he spoke firmly, a little bit flirty, the strangers face beamed him that warm melting smile, “Then lets get some drinks” he spoke with a foreign accent, his English was fine, but it was laced with exoticness

Yuri felt like he was in a daze, right now, at this moment, he felt like he’d follow this guy anywhere he wanted to go, his heart pounding with the excitement of the unknown


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 years later..

Otabek was just walking through a supermarket, when his breath was taken away. There was Yuri, Yuri Plisetsky, with long blonde model hair, looking like sin just like he’d remembered, laughing with some other man. Some handsome man, some tall man, some broad man, someone who wasn't him, walking hand in hand together

Otabek thought his heart was either going to stop dead in his chest or it was going to pound out of his chest, his mouth was dry, he couldn’t take his eyes off of him

Otabek wasn't sure why he did it, he felt in a complete daze, that this was all just a dream, but he found his feet walking over, tapping Yuri on the shoulder, when he turned around, his bright green eyes widened, "Beka.." he said, almost speechless

"Hey Yura" was all Otabek could muster to say, the guy Yuri was with, looked at the two with a confused face, while they just kind of stared at each other, taking in each other's new self, 10 years later

Yuri didn’t look like how Otabek remembered him the last time he’d seen him, he looked incredible, he was a healthy weight, his hair wasn’t ratty, he looked perfect, they hadn’t broken eye contact, Yuri’s bright green eyes staring up to him in confusion and uncertainty, Otabek felt like he couldn’t breath

"Yuri who's this?" the unknown handsome man asked, tugging on Yuri's hand slightly, which seemed to snap Yuri out of it as he shook his head, finally dropping the eye contact

"Uh, just a friend” he spoke so unsure, “Fuck, someone I haven't seen in years" he added, ‘just a friend’ cut Otabek like it must have cut Yuri all those years ago, vivid flashbacks to their past burned through Otabek’s mind 

All of the tears, the screaming, the depressing miserable life he’d lived, the happy times he’d had with Yuri, the laughter, the intimate moments, it seemed so long ago but Otabek could remember it perfectly, they’d been so young

"You grew your hair out" Otabek noted, smiling at him slightly, Yuri had always talked of wanting to do it, but never did, worried he might look too feminine. But Yuri looked nothing like that, he looked so devastatingly handsome 

Yuri didn't speak, his presumably boyfriend, gave his hand another gentle tug, "You okay tiger?" he asked, moving the hair out of Yuri's face in a affectionate gesture, which seemed to snap Yuri out of his daze again

Getting a slight smile on his face, he let go of his 'boyfriends' hand, "Yeah, we just had a huge fucking fight when we last saw each other, asshole" Yuri said as he smirked, diving to wrap his arms around Otabek's neck, burrowing his face in

Otabek’s breath caught, instantly wrapping his arms around Yuri tightly, exhaling shakily at his comment, "Yeah, sorry about that" he murmured into Yuri’s neck, taking in Yuri's smell, the feel of him, it all felt so different, yet so familiar

His 'boyfriend' spoke up laughing, "Knowing my Yuri, he probably started it" that cut Otabek, but hearing Yuri laugh, a real genuine laugh right in his ear made him melt a little. Otabek squeezed him in even tighter, he didn’t know if he’d be able to let go

He wanted to tell him how much he’d fucking missed him, that he thought about him constantly, about all of his regrets, about how he wished he’d never left that day, but the words never came, just like Otabek had never came back that day

Yuri pulled away slowly, taking in all of Otabek as he did, still smiling at him slyly, shaking his head in slight disbelief. His boyfriend spoke up, his accent thick as he spoke, “Why don’t you give him your number, catch up while your here”

The boyfriend was beaming a friendly smile, obviously unaware, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea Alek..” Yuri spoke uneasily, looking away entirely from Otabek as he spoke, Alek cut him off tisking

“Nonsense, forget this fight, I know you can hold a grudge Yuri” Alek teased, wrapping a arm around Yuri as Yuri rolled his eyes, but he was smiling up at him, it made Otabek feel sick

“I think it’d be nice, Yura” Otabek didn’t know how he found his voice, or even if this was a good idea, but the thought of meeting up with Yuri was making his heart flutter

Yuri looked at him again, his face looked conflicted before he nodded, taking Alek’s hand back in his own and planting a kiss across it, telling Otabek his number, Otabek hoped his hand didn’t look too shaky as he saved it in his phone

His heart sinking when he heard a painfully familiar voice approach them, bursting this crazy little bubble

"Oh here you are, I thought I'd lost you" it was his wife, his 'beautiful kazakh girl' wife, she grabbed his hand like she would, as a normal wife would. He saw Yuri slightly tense up his eyes taking in all of her, “I was just catching up with.." 

Yuri cut him off, "Yuri, I'm Yuri, this is my boyfriend Alek. I use to be friends with Otabek" his wife looking the pair up and down, a frown on her face, “Use to be?” 

Alek laughed, “They had a fight, they are going to make up, don’t worry” he spoke with such a beaming friendly voice, his wife nodded as she smiled softly, he knew his wife had a problem with gay people, but of course she wouldn’t say a word, just complain to Otabek when they had gone, it always made his skin crawl

"Oh well, nice to meet you both, I’m Otabek’s wife" she added, with her fakest smile, Otabek didn’t miss the way Yuri clung on tighter to Alek when she said that, his face ever so subtly twisting

Yuri turned his face to Alek, “Cmon Alek, we better get going” Alek was still smiling nodding at what Yuri had said, “Goodbye, nice to meet you Otabek, we’ll catch up soon yes?” 

Otabek felt like he’d lost his voice again, forcing out a smile though he nodded, Alek kept smiling his what felt like a genuine smile at him, “I’ll talk to my tiger about putting away his claws when you see him next” 

Yuri rolled his eyes, playing shoving Alek away, while Alek laughed, “Bye” Yuri went to turn around and leave, Otabek quickly speaking up, “I’ll text you Yura” 

“Whatever you say Otabek” Yuri shrugged it off, Alek now rolling his eyes at Yuri, wrapping an arm around him as they walked away, Otabek kept watching them walk away, he couldn’t believe what had just happened

His heart sank when Alek moved his arm from around Yuri’s neck to low around his waist, Yuri turning to him with a smile as he tugged him in for a kiss, whether that was to get at Otabek, he wasn’t sure, but it did

Otabek felt his wife grip his hand in distaste at the scene, Otabek couldn't help his smile, he fucking wished he was still kissing those damn perfect lips, having a fiesty hot as fuck boyfriend who didn't give a shit what anyone thought

Alek had moved his hand firmly to Yuri's tight little ass now, Otabek felt a mix of feeling incredibly turned on and sheer loneliness and hatred for himself

“Otabek, did you know your friend Yuri was that way? It's so.. Otabek are you even listening to me?" coming out of his daze, all he could do was agree, there was no point arguing with her, instead he lied, saying he didn’t know Yuri was gay

That the fight was over something minor that he couldn’t even remember it now, he wished he could believe these lies himself, it would make it a lot easier, walking around with his wife he couldn’t wait until he got home, he’d text Yuri, he had too, he had to see him again


	7. Chapter 7

Laying across Alek’s chest tracing idle patterns across his muscles, Alek humming Greek as he stroked through Yuri’s hair, it was perfect, Yuri knew it was 

They’d just had amazing sex as always, but Yuri’s mind couldn’t help racing with when or even if Otabek would text him. It’d been 3 days and he still hadn’t heard anything, not that it should bother him, he hadn’t seen him in about 8, 9 years?

Yuri thought he was going to pass out when he’d seen Otabek in the supermarket, it all felt like a surreal dream, and he couldn’t help the tears that escaped him on the 2nd night he hadn’t heard back from him

It was silly really, beyond silly, he didn’t want to hear back from him anyways. It was Otabek, of course he wouldn’t stay in touch, he only went along with it because Alek had suggested it

Yuri did love Alek, he loved him entirely, he’d saved him more times than he could count, stuck by him through anything and everything. Victor and Yuuri loved him, but it wasn’t the raw straight up emotion he felt for Otabek

The kind that made his heart burst out of his chest, that could make him feel the happiest he’d ever felt or the fucking worst. It was a unhealthy kind of love he felt for Otabek, he needed to forget he’d even seen him, forgetting he’d ever known him would be a lot better, but that was just impossible

Yuri let his eyes shut, focusing on the calming familiar sound of Alek presumably telling him sweet nothings in Greek. Yuri didn’t understand so it was easy to listen to, and Alek told him that it was always nice things, whether it was or wasn’t never concerned Yuri

Alek always showed him exactly how much he loved him, he didn’t rely on empty words or promises, Yuri knew it because he showed him each and every day. They would speak to each other in their native languages when they had intimate moments, neither understanding apart from small words, but it was nice nonetheless 

 

He was only staying in Kazakhstan for another week, as the days ticked by with no text or call, he found himself snapping at dumb things. The whole ordeal had put him in a foul mood, he fucking knew Otabek wouldn’t have kept in touch, so why it still hurt and surprise him so much? 

Coming out of a photoshoot he had two texts on his phone, one from Alek saying he was going to take him out on a date to cheer him up, and one from a unsaved number, Yuri felt his heart pounding, clicking to open it his fingers were shaking, his ears were thumping he felt like he couldn’t hear to see anything apart from his phone right now

‘It’s Otabek, sorry if you wanted me to leave you alone, I wasn’t sure if you’d even want to hear from me. But if you do want to hang out or go for a drink, just text me back. You’re looking great Yura, I’m so proud of you’

Yuri resisted the urge to throw his fucking phone away, but he couldn’t hide the tears, even though he was in public. He wasn’t even sure why he was crying if he was being honest, but he just couldn’t seem to stop himself breaking down

Maybe it was because he’d wanted to hear from Otabek so so fucking much all those years back, or that he’d said he was proud of him, all Yuri knew was that his heart was pounding in his chest and he couldn’t stop the tears streaming down his face

Hurrying himself into a public bathroom he wanted to scream at himself in the mirror, he was over this, he was past Otabek making him feel like this, being in a scummy public bathroom brought back a million bad memories

He wouldn’t let himself get back to that, wiping away his tears he wasn’t sure why he pulled out phone texting back as he exhaled shakily, ‘A drink sounds good’ 

Getting a text back almost instantly, ‘Will Alek be coming?’ Yuri scrunched his face up at the message, ‘Do you want Alek to come?’ immediately after he sent it the dots appeared of Otabek writing back instantly, for all Yuri knew he should still be pissed at him, the fact he was really speaking to him right now made him excited to see him more than anything

If he didn’t stand him up of course, ‘Are you free tomorrow night?’ Yuri frowned that he’d skipped past the question, ‘Yes, Alek won’t be coming either, is that okay?’

Nibbling on his lip nervously, he didn’t know why he’d said that, he should have invited Alek along. It would stop any confusing feelings if Alek was there, but he also really wanted it to be him and Otabek, no matter how fucking weird that would be

‘Tell me where to pick you up, I’ll bring my bike if it’s just the two of us’ his bike, that would mean Yuri would have no choice but to wrap his arms around him, was it on purpose? He noted how Otabek still hadn’t said if it was okay or not that Alek wasn’t coming

‘If we’re drinking you shouldn’t drive surely?’ he also texted him the hotel he was staying at, ‘I’ll stay in a hotel, see you at 8?’ ‘Sure’ when Otabek didn’t text him back again, Yuri’s mind was flooding with thoughts that he wouldn’t actually turn up 

He shouldn’t give a shit if he did or didn’t, he should call Victor or Yuuri and tell them the situation, he should give them Otabek’s number and they could scream and shout at him, that’s what he should have done

But instead he found himself reading back the messages again and again, he just knew this was going to send his head dizzy all over again. 10 fucking years, and Otabek didn’t look much different

He had tired looking eyes, maybe a few greys in his hair if Yuri looked hard enough, but he was still just how Yuri remembered him. Broad and fucking handsome, not particularly tall but he didn’t need to be, he held himself perfectly, and since Yuri was only small it didn’t matter anyways

Yuri knew he should have told Alek about Otabek as well, Alek knew all about the boy who’d broken Yuri’s heart, he just didn’t know that Otabek was that particular boy

Alek never would have suggested this whole thing if he’d have known, and Yuri was worried that if he did know, he might stop it all and demand they could back to Russia. Yuri knew that Victor and Yuuri would do the very same, the most logical thing to do was to go back to Russia and forget it

But Yuri knew he wouldn’t do that, heading home he made up a lame ass excuse as to why he didn’t want a date tonight. Alek being nothing but understanding, a wide smile beaming on his face when Yuri had told him he was hanging out with Otabek tomorrow

Alek happily saying they should build bridges, leave the past in the past and enjoy the now, Alek was so happy all of the time. He had such an electric personality that it was one the reasons Yuri fell in love with him, he was always beaming a smile or making Yuri laugh, he was so positive to be around

Before Yuri seemed to know it, it was tomorrow night, and he was frantically trying to sort out his hair, “My Yuri, you look perfect, why are..” Yuri shouldn’t have cut him off with a angry snap but he couldn’t help it, he felt so anxious about seeing Otabek after all this time

Alek gave him a sad frown, trying to cheer him up, but Yuri wanted to be left alone. He didn’t know what Otabek would like best, his hair down, or up, or a bit of both? And why the fuck should he care but he did, deciding on braided up one side with the rest hanging over his shoulder

Tight ripped black jeans, a torn up vest and a leather jacket, Alek made the biggest fuss over him when he left the bathroom, Yuri apologised, putting his legs on either side of him, running his hands up through his rough stubble, which was bordering on a beard nowadays, not that Yuri minded, he loved how it felt rough against his skin

Making out easily with Alek on the bed, it was helping to calm his pounding heart, his racing thoughts, which all came rushing back to him when Yuri heard his phone vibrating on the sideboard 

He still hadn’t saved Otabek’s number, still coming up as just numbers on the screen, Yuri swallowed before he answered, “Hello?” 

“I’m outside Yura, if your still, if you still want..” Yuri cut him off, “I’ll be a second” Otabek sounded just as nervous, which should have calmed Yuri, but it made him feel worse

Saying bye to Alek, he preened himself in the elevator mirror, there was no going back now. And yeah he did look good, when he walked outside he thought he was going to have a panic attack

There was Otabek, on his motorbike, looking him up and down with wide eyes. It made Yuri think of Barcelona, the first time he’d properly seen Otabek, just a dumb 15 year old getting on the back of his bike heading into the unknown

So much time had passed since then, Yuri walked over nervously, Otabek wordlessly handed him a helmet, “Seriously?” Yuri questioned, eyeing up the helmet in his hand

“If you want to get on then yeah, seriously” Otabek almost spoke teasingly which made Yuri half smile, “Fine asshole, but when my hairs all messed up you better not complain”

Quickly putting the helmet on, Yuri tried not to think about what was happening, getting on behind Otabek he wrapped his arms around him instantly

Otabek didn’t seem to react, taking off the second he did, Yuri forgot how fast, scary but a little exciting this all was. All of the memories of late night drives and sunny days spent riding around on Otabek’s bike flashed back to Yuri, tucking his hands under Otabek’s leather jacket and just against his tshirt instead felt so much better

Yuri sighed out, not that Otabek would hear over the roar of the bike, Otabek felt just like he’d remembered, all hard muscles, Yuri was so tightly pressed against Otabek’s back he wished he could just shut his eyes and pretend they were still dumb teenagers 

That 10 years hadn’t passed and that this was just another late night bike ride with Otabek, just the thought of that made Yuri want to throw up though. 10 years had passed, and things were so different now, Yuri couldn’t forget that

 

The entire night seemed to drift by as a blur when they got off the bike, it was a strange kind of familiar but new and different, they spoke fairly easily, as if nothing had changed

Laughing casually, seeing a smile on Otabek’s face made Yuri’s heart flutter in his chest, the more Yuri drank the more they pretended like they’d never been apart, even speaking about funny times from the past, Yuri snorting his drink everywhere as he burst out laughing

Still riding out the aftershocks of his latest outburst, taking off his leather jacket since he’d got it wet from spitting out his drink, he didn’t miss the way Otabek’s eyes raked over his body in his barely there vest

Otabek quickly averting his eyes and clearing his throat before he spoke up, “So how long have you and Alek been together for?” Yuri took a long drink before he started speaking

“About 6, 7 years” Yuri tried to speak casually but the tension between them seemed painfully thick, it was a lot longer than he’d been with Otabek for, it was a lot longer than he’d actually even properly known Otabek for 

Otabek hummed in acknowledgement before downing the rest of his drink, they sat in a awkward silence, Yuri didn’t know how to move the conversation along from this, Yuri nursing the rest of his drink as slowly as he could 

“Yuri” Yuri lifted his eyes up to Otabek for the first time in what must have been at least 5 minutes, Otabek had a sad serious expression on his face, “I, I am sorry, for everything yknow”

Yuri swallowed as he gave a small nod, the alcohol all seemed to rush to his head at once, he felt dizzy and sick, as if this was finally becoming real now

“Come with me to the bathroom” Yuri rushed out before he got up, not looking behind him to see if Otabek was following or not, he felt shaky on his feet, he needed to splash cold water on his face, he didn’t know why he’d asked Otabek to come with him

But when he turned around there Otabek was, staring at him intently, Yuri didn’t know what the fuck came over him, one second he was holding Otabek’s stare, then the next he had his mouth crashed onto his, his arms tightly around his neck, Otabek’s strong arms wrapped around his body

Yuri wasn’t sure who led who into the bathroom stall, or who’s shaky hands actually locked it, he just knew he felt like he was going to melt. They were kissing so hard Yuri thought they would both have bruised lips, his heart was going to burst out of his chest

He felt hot, impossibly hot, his hands desperately taking off Otabek’s leather jacket, letting it thud to the floor as their mouths refused to part. Yuri’s back was pressed against the cold bathroom stall wall, Otabek’s thigh between his leg, fuck what the fuck was he doing

Pulling away for the first time, Otabek’s mouth to follow him, “Beka, Beka stop” Yuri panted out, catching his breath, Otabek opened his eyes, their bodies still pressed together, Yuri was breathing heavily, so was Otabek, his hair sticking to his face slightly with sweat

Otabek’s eyes flashed with worry, “What are we doing?” Yuri whispered out, but his hands were still running through Otabek’s undercut, they were still pressed up together, Otabek’s hands still sitting firmly low on his hips

“I don’t know” Otabek whispered back to him, as if they spoke any louder this might all be just a little too real for them to handle. Otabek sighed gently, “Yura, you don’t know how beautiful you are. Alek, he’s so fucking lucky. Inside and out, your the greatest person I’ve ever known”

“So why did you leave me?” Yuri couldn’t help his voice croaking as he spoke, Otabek didn’t answer, he just leaned in his eyes closing, Yuri shut his eyes quickly before any tears could escape, the pace of kissing was different this time 

It was slow, it was full of unanswered questions, Yuri wished that he would pull away, but he couldn’t find the strength too, he also couldn’t help the tears streaming down his face as he continued kissing Otabek

If Otabek knew he was crying he didn’t make it known, Yuri kept kissing him slow and sweet until he felt like his heart would burst, pulling away he was hysterical

“Why the fuck did you leave me Beka?” Yuri sobbed out, Otabek’s face looked torn, “Yura, I, I love you, I missed you every day..”

Yuri cut him off, his face twisted with sadness and anger, pushing him off roughly, "You don't get to fucking say that! You fucking left me!" he knew his face was streaming with tears, he knew he was shouting far too loud but he couldn’t hide his emotions, they all came rushing to the surface

"You think I had a fucking choice Yuri!? Do you know much of a fucking living hell my life is?!" Otabek yelled back just as loudly, the bathroom stall suddenly seeming impossibly tight

"You didn't need to fucking leave! We would still fucking be together, you chose to make your damn fucking life a hell!" Yuri screamed at him

"How the fuck can you say that to me?! You only think about your fucking self!" Otabek slammed his hand right beside Yuri’s head, almost caging him in, but it wasn’t in a intimate gesture, it was sheer anger

"Go fuck your fucking self, I forgot just how much of a asshole you fucking are!" Yuri screamed,, tears still flooding down his face, but his voice sounded so angry, he wasn’t fucking scared of Otabek, he squared up to him face to face as much as he could

Otabek went to speak again but Yuri kept yelling, “Your just a selfish fucking prick who I have the misfortune to fucking know!" Yuri screamed

Otabek backed away from Yuri leaning against the other side of the stall, not that it gave them much room apart, Otabek’s face looked furious, but what annoyed Yuri most was that he didn’t have tears, he never had any fucking tears for Yuri, he even scoffed before he spoke, "I'm a selfish fucking prick?! That's so fucking rich coming from you"

“I wish I'd never fucking known you! Your nothing but a fucking closet case" Yuri’s words have venom in them, Otabek’s face dropped just a split second before angrily speaking again, in his low deep voice instead of shouting which scared Yuri more

"I wish I'd never fucking known you Yuri, you ruined my whole fucking life", Yuri couldn’t help his face twisting as his voice croaked as he tried to speak

“Your only going to leave anyway, that's all you ever fucking do" Otabek averted his eyes for the first time in this fight, Yuri felt his heart wrench in his chest as he watched Otabek move to unlock the door, doing the exact thing he was fucking terrified of

"You always leave me Beka.. I'd never leave you" Yuri’s voice was barely a whisper, he didn’t even know if Otabek heard him, “Do I mean that fucking little to you that you can walk away like I mean nothing?” his voice was trembling as he spoke, Otabek still hadn’t turned around

Yuri didn’t know why he thought it was a good idea, but he found himself doing it anyways, tugging Otabek around to face him, to his surprise Otabek let himself be turned around 

Yuri instantly nuzzling himself inside of Otabek’s jacket, burying his face into his chest as he tried to stop the hysterical crying he was doing, Otabek wrapped his arms around him tightly, humming in his ear, “Shh Yura, fuck, I’m, I’m so fucking sorry”

Yuri didn’t know how long he spent crying into Otabek’s chest as he stroked down his back, Otabek barely stuttering out any words at all, just sorry on a broken loop

When Yuri’s breathing finally went back to a steady pace, and his face wasn’t streaming with tears he finally almost shakily pulled away, Otabek kept his hands low on his hips, looking up to him, they both stared at each other with so much uncertainty

“I’d really like it if we kept in touch Yura” Yuri didn’t think that Otabek said it to get at him, but he felt his anger spike again, “What like I wanted to fucking do all those fucking years ago?” he snapped

Otabek groaned, “I don’t want to fight with you, fuck Yuri your happy with Alek, why are you even kissing me?” 

Yuri felt himself spewing out words, he really wished he didn’t feel or admit too, but it was a mix of the alcohol, kissing Otabek again and seeing him after all this time, he couldn’t help himself

“Because I fucking love you asshole, because your the only person in this damn fucking world that makes me feel the way you make me feel” Yuri was shouting them right in Otabek’s face, then Otabek’s face just crumbled

Tears instantly streaming down his face, Yuri felt an instant pang of guilt, he didn’t think Otabek felt guilty whenever he’d made Yuri cry, but Yuri couldn’t help it

“Beka” he spoke softly, contrasting to how he’d shouted, frowning sadly at the scene, “Cmere” Yuri wrapped his arms around Otabek’s neck, pulling him in to hold him tightly, Otabek instantly burrowing his face into Yuri’s neck and sobbing loudly

Yuri tried to shush him gently as he stroked a reassuring hand through his hair, he knew Otabek didn’t want to live the life he was living, well he didn’t all those years ago. But what plagued Yuri was that he still did it, he still left Yuri without a second thought, he knew his Dad had died and that the two were really close, but it still seemed crazy to Yuri to live your life for someone else

“I’m so, I’m so fucking sorry Yura” Otabek hysterically cried into his neck, his arms engulfing him tightly, Yuri sighed out, making sure to speak softly so he wouldn’t upset Otabek anymore

Pulling Otabek’s face to look up at him, it broke Yuri’s heart seeing Otabek so fucking sad, but Yuri wanted to try and stay strong and in control, they always ended up just screaming at each other, he didn’t want this to be that

“Shh stop crying and listen to me okay” Otabek’s face was obviously still twisting and sad, Yuri gently shushing him and wiping away his tears with soft movements, planting a kiss on his forehead when Otabek seemed to have finally calmed down

Yuri exhaled slowly before he started speaking, "Beka, if your lifes a living hell, why are you still living it? It's been 10 long years, your Dad will be so fucking proud of you. You stayed in a fucking sham of a marriage for 10 fucking long years"

Otabek’s eyes searched Yuri for some kind of answer, his face threatening to twist again but he held off, his voice shaky and croaking as he spoke, "Do you really think so Yura?" it was barely a whisper, as if his Dad could even hear this conversation

Yuri sighed out, as he continued running his fingers through Otabek’s hair, they were still pressed closely together, even after all this time it still just felt like the most natural thing 

"Of course, he shouldn't have put that on you anyways, but thats in the past. Pick your own future"

Otabek swallowed, his eyes filling up again, "I want you in my future Yura, I wanted you in my past, I want you in my present, I want you, always just you.."

Yuri cut him off uncomfortably, they’d been down this route before, Otabek proclaiming this only to be left in all the end, Yuri shook his head as he spoke "Beka.. It's.."

"Yura please, I can't do this without you" Yuri felt his stomach somersault, "Beka.. Fuck do you even know how fucking difficult it was living without you? I can’t, you’ll just leave..”

Otabek cut him off, “Living without you, it's not even a life worth living. My heart nearly stopped when I saw you in the supermarket.."

Yuri laughed cutting him off, "Yours fucking did, fuck Beka I nearly had a panic attack. I missed you every single fucking day"  
“Yura, I just, fuck what the hell am I doing. I fucking hate my life, why the fuck did I leave you? Because my stupid fucking Dad wanted me to marry a Kazakh woman, what would he say now.. Oh fuck" Otabek quickly pushed back Yuri, a little roughly, Yuri couldn’t even react negatively, instantly Otabek dropped to his knees throwing up in the toilet

Yuri frowned sadly, sitting beside him on the scummy bathroom floor running a hand up his back firmly, Otabek groaned as he rested his head on the toilet seat

Yuri grimaced, “Beka, that’s fucking disgusting” Otabek actually gave him a smile, a lazy smile, “It’s so cool on my face though”

Yuri couldn’t help but laugh, calling him disgusting as Otabek didn’t even attempt to move his face, laughing a little too, Otabek’s hair was a little sweaty, Yuri stroked it gently off of his face

“Beka it's not too late to change your life yknow, your Dad would be so fucking proud of you, you stayed with a woman that he choose for you, for 10 fucking years. It's time to go do something for you now, he'd understand" Yuri to speak as reassuring as he could, but he wasn’t even sure where this conversation would go

He didn’t know himself where he wanted it go, did he want Otabek to agree and run away with him, then he’d have to leave Alek, or did he just want Otabek to stop living his miserable life?

"Do you really think that Yura?" he spoke so uncertainty, he sounded so vulnerable it made Yuri’s heartbreak for him, Yuri only nodded, he was scared that if he spoke his voice was croak, but they held eye contact 

Otabek gave him a soft smile as he lifted up his face from the toilet seat, finally. Both still sitting on the gross bathroom floor, even though Yuri could hear the thudding of the nightclub outside, it felt like they were the only two people in the world

Otabek moved closer, pulling Yuri’s legs around him slightly, so Yuri ended up in between Otabek’s legs, Otabek stroked up his thighs as he spoke

“You really do have the eyes of a soldier yknow Yura” Yuri wanted to cry all over again, that day when they’d met in Barcelona as just fucking kids, before anything bad had happened, they were so full of promise

Yuri kept a soft smile anyways, there was so much uncertainty in the air, he didn’t know what to say. The night carried on not speaking about anything else, Yuri made Otabek wash his face as much as he could before he danced with him 

Getting lost in the strobe lighting and shots that they both thought were a good idea, holding each other close on the dance floor, both of them laughing easily like nothing had ever happened, not the episode in the toilet, not the past 10 years

Yuri even text Alek to say he was staying in a hotel with Otabek, Alek was fine with it, happy that they had made up. Yuri should have felt guilt, but he was too gone on alcohol and drunk with the feelings of being around Otabek again, it all felt like a dizzy little dream

Stumbling into Otabek’s hotel room, neither of them could barely walk straight, Yuri insisted that Otabek shower and brush his teeth before getting into bed with him, Otabek instantly going to do just that

Yuri heard him stumbling around the bathroom drunkenly as Yuri stripped off all his clothes apart from his boxers getting under the hotel quilt, the room was spinning pleasantly, Yuri wasn’t sure what the fuck they were doing

But right now, he was just trying to enjoy this happy feeling, one of the few he’d shared with Otabek in 10 fucking years, trying not to overthink what was currently happening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Alek had so much love, and Otabek has so much hate, I'm sorry if people hate this chapter! 
> 
> Probably only one or two chapters left after this, hope people like where it all ends up!
> 
> Comments and feedback is always appreciated :)


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